we made it!

Through day 2! Haha! May not seem like a big deal to some, but we have a REALLY bad habit of leaving the TV on just for background noise and wow what a peaceful change!

I know its only been about 3 days, but I have seen the biggest difference with my kids! They actually seem to be getting along better, finding things to do without whining, and enjoying the no TV time!

Last night we did decide to have a family movie night. The girls traded their hard earned chore reward stickers for a family movie in the living room complete with meatball subs and ice cream sundae's!

I feel blessed that so far this transition is going well. My prayer is that it will make an everlasting affect on our household...and in the meantime help with some better focus during school hours!

1 day down, 39 to go...

we did it, for one whole day we did not watch tv. No Dora, no Wonder Pets, no Max and Ruby...nothing! And surprisingly, once we got through the morning hump of breakfast cartoons, it was all good!
The kids actually READ during resting time and one fell asleep!
It was the most peaceful day we have had in a long time just not having the TV available! It was actually more peaceful for me as well. I thought I would have a hard time finding something for the kids to do, but low and behold, they actually kept themselves entertained for most of the day.
We played outside, took a walk, played playdough, blocks, pulled out some hidden toys we hadnt seen in a while, danced to music, read books, played Barbies...the point is...it was refreshing to see my kids imaginations take over the TV's version of imagination.
So, here we are at day 2. I see the park in our future today. And hopefully more of the peace we found yesterday (despite the fact that my 4 year old woke up in a tantrum), I have faith!
Hope all you lenters out there are staying strong as well!

Fasting...

Ok, so I knew it was time for lent. Why? Well because my facebook friends told me so. I know, I know, not the best way to be reminded of this important time for me and my families faith, but hey....at least I know now!
Anyways, I was being called out by the holy spirit to choose SOMETHING to fast from....
starbucks-done that,
ice cream-been there (and it's not going to happen while I'm pregnant!).
I've fasted before, and boy does it work, it changes your entire perspective on life, God and where your faith stands!
So, what do I need to work on the most? Where is my biggest area of weakness?
Finally it came to me...my kids!
As we sat at our amazing life group last night, the Holy Spirit yelled in my face...fast from tv! What?
Ok, really? Tv? Of all the things I could work on it's that? Ok God...let's go!
Why tv you ask? No, I am not a tv junky. No, I do not watch The Real Housewives of Everywhere. I only watch tv at night for some downtime, and really, it's for an hour or so. So...why tv? Well, because I use it to suffice my kids.
Good morning!
Would you like a bowl of Special Agent Oso or a bet of Olivia for breakfast?
I'm tired...nap time!
What movie do you girls want to watch?
3:00 last push through the day...DORA!
Got it? It's become to easy to put them in front of the tv, I'm done.
Partially because when we got up this morning our usual routine was disrupted by a busted cable box. Yup! If that wasn't God speaking to my family I don't know what it was! (maybe an old cable box....but I'm gonna stick with a power higher than Cox Communications).
So, here we go, a day late, but not one bit of faith short. Can we do this? I hope so! Will we do this? Only by the Grace of God! How will we do this? Faith, Prayer and Trust in the Lord.
Amen. And good luck!

Confession time! Its a big one.

Before I start, I have to be honest (that's probably a good thing as I start a confession), I wrote this over a week ago as I sat frustrated with my struggles. After I wrote it, I did not publish it, as I found immediate relief from just putting my struggles into words. I thought to myself, "maybe I am not supposed to share this, but what would the Lord want me to do?"
So, I did what any curious person would do...I googled it! I ran across a blog that had every one of my questions answered.
I want to say now that if you struggle with a weakness and you are afraid to share, read this blog, it will inspire you and strengthen you.
(go to day 35)
www.steph-lifespurpose.blogspot.com

I realized that God is using my weakness to grow me, and to witness to others. My hope is that by sharing, and being vulnerable (which I am really bad at being) that the Lord will use me to bless someone else, as well as learn about myself. I will now depend more on HIM to help me grow.
"At some point in your life, you must decide whether you want to impress people or influence people. You can impress people from a distance, but you must get close to influence them, and when you do that, they will be able to see your flaws. That's okay. The most essential quality for leadership is not perfection, but credibility. People must be able to trust you or they won't follow you. How do you build credibility? No by pretending to be perfect, but by being honest."

Ok, this is a big one for me. This is a confession about something

I have been struggling with for a long time...too long.
But first, a little background about me for those who dont know:
I am an only child
I grew up in a single parent home
I was a latch-key kid for most of my schooling life
I started work at 16 and was working full time at 17, supporting my mom who had been injured at work and was no longer able to make an income
We had to leave my childhood home when I was 18 and moved to San Marcos
I worked to help support my mom until I was 20 and then moved out with Nathan, we bought our own home.
We lived together before we got married
I moved out 6 months before we got married to make things right with the Lord
My mom struggles with perscription medication addiction and depression
I suffered from depression for a year after Camryn was born and took medication for it
I love my kids and my husband more than the world!
I homeschool and I love it! God is good for leading me here

I suffer from a phobia: I live in constant fear that my kids will get sick.

Wow. That was rough.

So, this is me. I live in fear. I constantly worry.

It is not worry that my kids are sick, I can deal with a runny nose here and there and some other "things", it is the anxiety that comes before, that they will get sick. It is the anxiety that another one of my kids will catch it. It is the worry that I will get it and wonder how I will take care of the kids if I am sick.

This issue stops me from doing things I would normally do.
It effects whether or not I go to church.
It effects where we go.
It effects what we eat, drink, and do on a daily basis.

I love to be out and about with my kids, but when this fear is elevated, it keeps me home, locked up like a prisioner. What causes this irrational fear to elevate? I dont know.

The reason I have decided to share this is because I figured the first step to recovery was admitting I had a problem.
I have kept this a deep dark secret for a long time. Sure, many of you see me take extra steps to keep my kids clean and germ free...hand sanitizer here and there, excessive washing, etc. Sure you can say I am a germ-a-phobe..arent most of us? But, it goes deeper than that.

It festers inside of me.

The minute someone has snot, I worry.

The minute someone complains of a tummy ache, I worry.

And it is not just worry. It has friends...Mrs. lack-of-compassion and Mr. Anger.

I find myself worrying so much that I snap at the kids, bombard them with questioning, constantly try to reassure myself that they are ok, its just gas, its just teething, etc.
If they are sick, I bombard myself with reasons why...replay things in my head, talk them outloud:

"Well they may have had bad fruit"

"Well she did put her mouth on the monkey bars"...

My mind doesnt stop.

Need I go on :)

The only thing I ask through this post is your support. Please dont alter who you are around me, please dont keep you and your kids away from us, please dont judge me for being vulnerable. I know that this is partially an issue of control. I have always had or been in control of what my kids do, eat, see, who they play with, what they play with, on and on. I cant control illness...but I shouldnt try.
I want my life to be normal and in no way do I want special treatment. I just want to heal. I want to let go of this fear, anxiety, frustration, anger. I want to be free. I want to have peace.

I received these verses from a very supportive person and want to share:

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you. Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)



The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid? (Paslm 27:1)



Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)


Please pray for me. I will also pray for you. Feel free to share your confessions here as well, we all have something to heal from.

Finding YOUR Joy

During times of sorrow, it is so hard to find the joy in what seems to be a never ending flow of sadness. Joy is not only a gift, but it is a choice. Joy can fill your empty spaces, it can remind you of the blessings of the Lord, and it can comfort you in times of need.
I recently lost a family member, our beloved pet Pua'a. He was a 7 year old jack Russell with a heart of gold. His life was taken early, a fluke failure that not only left him suffering, but left us constantly worried about him. He passed away with all of our family present, we prayed over him and got to say goodbye to a precious soul who filled our lives with so much more than dog bones and doggy breath.
Through all of the pain and sorrow our family felt during this time, we prayed consistently for God to show us the lesson He had planned for us to learn.
The lord spoke to me loud and clear, with a loud but gentle reminder that life is short. Everyday is a blessing. Every body, every soul is a gift. The Lord gave us the most precious gift, the ability to love and be loved. What an honor, a blessing, and a reward, to love unconditionally and to be loved unconditionally.
I was reminded that my family is so precious. For anyone who has frustrating days, times where you just want to send your kids to the sidewalk with a for sale sign (as I often ponder :)), I wanted to share with you what God shared with me. All of those feelings, frustrations, thoughts and anger only occur when things don't go according to our plans. When our children throw a wrench in the schedule you had so perfectly planned out. When you expect to grow old with an old and arthritic dog whose life is taken away too soon. When your needs, desires, and wants are set aside and replaced by someone elses needs, wants and desires. Live each day without expectation. Find joy in each moment. Take time to stop and smell the roses. Because this moment, right now, will not last forever. Cherish the gifts, the glory and the grace that the Lord has given us, and don't forget to find your joy in all things.

Encouraged when you least expect....

I recently took a trip to the Family Christian Book Store looking for some glowing book calling my name that would help enlighten me and my walk with Christ. Although there was no shining light beaming down from the heavens, I know that God had his hand on me as I searched through the shelves.
I came across the clearance section..thoughts in my head were "Well, no one wanted these books for a reason!" As I shuffled through the massive pile of random books about spiritual growth for the golfer, learning to pray for the unwilling, and 100 questions kids ask about God, I came picked up a book titled "The Spiritual Power of a Mother." OK, how many of these books do we POSSIBLY need? What else can this book tell me that my 5 other books about this same topic haven't? Well, I flipped through the pages, thought to myself, this looks interesting, for $2 its worth the purchase! I closed the book and my eyes scanned the cover only to find the true title of the book "The Spiritual Power of a Mother: Encouragement for the Homeschooling Mom." Ding Ding Ding! There was my shining, glorious light! Thank you Lord! It was just what I needed. I walked in searching for something that would help me grow as a Christian, and I walked out with encouragement for my walk through homeschooling my children.
I had to share what I read in the preface of this book, I found this so interesting, and so TRUE! I am sorry if it offends anyone, especially those with kids in the public school system. I am in no way a Homeschooling Nazi nor will I judge anyone who has made the decision that is suited best for them. But I do believe the premise of what the author says here should make us all think a little bit more about who is teaching our children and where their values may end up.

"Homeschooling moms are also doing more to change the face of American politics and culture than any other single group. The biggest problem in Washington DC, is that our leaders don't have a clear understanding of the purposes of government. Most don't understand that neither God nor the Constitution expected government to be the human institution to save mankind from all of its sorrows and woes. Government was expected to protect life, liberty, and property. When government tries to be a mini-Messiah, our freedom and our fortunes are put in grave jeopardy.
The best way to change this problem is to raise up a generation of children who do not believe that government should pretend to be a mini-Messiah.
When Children get their education from the government, that is a difficult task. But when children get their education from their mothers, they have the ability to understand the world from the same perspective as our founding fathers."
Excerpt from:

I've been invited to try Time4Learning for one month in exchange for a candid review. My opinion will be entirely my own, so be sure to come back and read about my experience. Time4Learning can be used as an online homeschooling curriculum, a web based afterschool tutorial or an online summer program. Find out how to write your own curriculum review for Time4Learning.